Wow! It's been a while since I have been in here, a lot of that reason is because I am not sure if it is really worth writing about...is anybody even reading this and if so is it making a difference or an impact?
My husband says that it really shouldn't matter and that no matter how I look at it I need a sound board more than anything else...so here I am once again.
I noticed that I never gave a link for Sleep apnea and thought I better as my husband has had friends ask him what stage of sleep apnea he suffers from so the link below is for those of you with questions.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_apnea
He is what they classify as "chronic severe obstructive sleep apnea".
It's so funny, we were talking last night and he was reminding me about the time he walked to the coffee shop in the middle of the night to get a coffee, but didn't even remember going...the only indication that he did was when he woke up from his sleepy state to see a coffee cup sitting beside him.
This kind of thing happens all the time. I do not feel safe going to sleep at night for fear of waking up to the front door being wide open and my husband is nowhere to be found. He wonders around without having any idea about where he's going or where he's been, we even have had our neighbours bring him home in the middle of the night because they found him wondering around with no recollection of where he was heading...usually it's for coffee or smokes (when he is trying to quit).
My neighbours and I have this joke that they are going to get him a collar saying "if found please return". As funny as this is and we laugh about it, it's extremely scary too...what if he wonders onto the street and gets hit by a car or someone thinks he's got money and tries to rob him...as he is fully capable when he is coherent to defend himself, but it's a completely different situation when he in this state and almost comes across as seeming intoxicated those of us who have witnessed him like this know by the way that he stumbles and slurs his words even though he is completely sober.
He amazes me, I can't even imagine what it must be like for him, but even though he is going through all of this he still manages to keep his calm and go on with life.
On March 14 I went into the hospital and got a tubal ligation. This was one of the hardest decisions that we had to make and we did it as a family, but as most of you may know we have three children already and can't afford to have anymore. When I went in for the orientation the surgeon told me that it is an "uncomplicated" procedure and that I should be back at work within a few days...it's been 5 weeks and I am just getting back to feeling like myself again. Now this wouldn't be a problem in most families, but my husband has had to take the load of being a father, housekeeper, and husband without any help from me and he has done it without complaint and whats more...a smile...I know he is so tired that if he had the ability to actually get any rest what so ever he would take it in a heartbeat, but instead of rub that in my face he just goes on as if nothing has happened.
I am one of the luckiest people on the planet to have found someone like him.
He's got the best charisma about him and can make anyone laugh, even when they are in the worst mood ever...I am so grateful for the time that we have been given together.
I have been off work for over a month now and we have had to access our food bank, take in all our extra bottles, and I even requested the little bit of vacation pay that I receive from the little bit of hours I did work and we have barely been able to make ends meet. I have been out of my mind wracking my brain trying to think what we could pawn or what we are going to do, and to add insult to injury AISH has raised our benefits only to lower the amount of money I am aloud to make a month. So instead of being able to bring home close to $1000\mth I am now only aloud to make $500\mth, it seems like when it rains it pours.
I have been feeling so depressed lately, I can't eat, sleep, and the smallest thing like playing with my kids has been a task...I wish....I don't even know what I wish anymore.
I do know that I need to say thank you to my husband, kids, friends, Calgary Food Bank, and work...and to my sister's boyfriend...he came to our aid last week when we had barely any food left and my pets were even going to starve....thank you.
